I CAN’T I WON’T DO THIS ANY MORE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
I’M SO OUT OF HERE
I have to wait in the lobby
I see her but I can’t get an answer
I can’t take her home
I have to watch her book a Lyft
I don’t know how to love you. You’re going to pieces what can I do. Why does it keep getting worse?
The dark look in your eye makes me feel nervous. This was our home.
I just got back to Orlando and I’m taking it all in. When I walked in today all of her stuff was still there. I can’t believe it. She was supposed to be leaving but apparently she’s staying. That’s completely Angie to not tell me and have me show up and find out.
It feels great to do laundry and take a shower and have a bed to count on. I have so much footage to edit. I talked to her and she’s getting back home in a few days and until then I’m catching up on some gigs and starting to go through some of this footage.
The weather is starting to cool off. September is a good month. We took the master bedroom and put our beds together and named it The Superbed. We watched movies and made popcorn and ate trailberry cobbler with berries from trail runs.
The other day I went to CVS and called “I love you” over my shoulder to her as I had done many times before. Back came an “I love you” and it stopped me in my tracks, half way across through the living room. I just stopped and just took it in for a minute. She couldn’t see me but just never thought I’d get to hear her say it.
It’s our birthday month. I’ve been telling her I want to go to Miami and experience sea level rise happening there. She asks me why it’s not on the calendar. We should collaborate on a project there. I tell her I’d love that.
We were supposed to plan the trip but she hits a gravity bong at a house concert host’s house and says she wants to just spend time together. We should juggle rocks behind the coffee shop shopping center instead. I tell her I’m trying to work during the day and how I need to focus. She knows how focused I get on work. She says I could have been in the military. And I can feel her words digging in: I don’t know anything about spending time together. I don’t care. I’m too self-important. etc.
“Can’t we set aside time for hanging out and time for work?” I try to ask innocently. I know she’s way too in the moment for that.
Deep down I know it’s not right of her to demand time, but she’s not wrong. If I’m too busy to spend time with her, what am I working for?